October 8, 2018 at 9:22 PM #65664
A recent US survey has shown that eighty percent of people in the United States of America lie on a daily basis. Some of these respondents tell little white lies while others tell the big nasty ones. Which brings me to this question # 7:
Do you think it is okay to lie? (big ones or little ones)
Do you tell little white lies?
Do you believe little white lies are less harmful than big outright lies?
When inventing an excuse or a reason for something, do you manipulate the actual facts of a situation to give the impression that you are telling the truth and NOT lying?
Scenario: A friend comes to you with a short piece of literature that they have written and they ask you to read it and to give them your HONEST appraisal. You read it. You hated it. It stinks. Do you give them your honest opinion? Or do you simply LIE to them and tell them you liked it for fear of hurting their feelings, or for them thinking you are a jerk if you told them the truth, or, you lie to them and tell them it’s great because you don’t want to damage the friendship?
Please, do try NOT to lie when answering this question. 🙂October 9, 2018 at 7:28 AM #65665
Borders on what they used to call ‘situational ethics,” written about in an excellent way in Mark Twain’s short story, Was it Heaven or Hell? Well anyway, I usually would try to dance around and find something good to say, realizing my own weaknesses…I have no neutral: when I like something, I love it so much it drives me crazy…or else I just can’t stand it. Knowing that about myself, I realize if I don’t like something, it’s probably a reflection of my lack of understanding, and someone else might see something really great in there. Likewise, if people don’t like something of my own creation, I’m not hurt, realizing it’s probably not the flaws they focused on , but it wasn’t something that jived with them. So…yes, I try to say what I can in order to find something good to say…but mainly, if I really don’t like it, I try to just keep my mouth shut, ridiculously hard for me…but if they force me to say something, really beg for my opinion, I try to respond with my own weakness in understanding at the forefront…but, yes, sometimes I would lie in that situation, lying for good purposes, not for bad intention. No sense in damaging someone’s passions if it doesn’t do anything for you personally, in my opinion. Now, if they have flaws that interfere with what they’re trying to achieve, yes, they do need to have them pointed out in order to improve their creation so that it goes beyond the flaws. Of course sometimes stuff is so good the flaws really don’t bother me, personally, but i know in our society they aren’t tolerated so well…and we don’t like having them. So now I’m rambling…but there is a lot to consider in how we regard someone’s passions, creative work, etc. I guess I figure I’m really no great judge. For me, basically, it’s Dostoevsky or nothin’….I guess is what I’m saying. I did read half of the Brothers Karamazov in Russian one time…though that was really a struggle and I had the English copy right next to me…wouldn’t wanna try that again. Fortunately, I’ve forgotten all the Russian by now…whew! Anyway, yes, a lot to consider. If I dont like something, generally I realize it’s more MY problem than the person who created it.October 9, 2018 at 2:09 PM #65676
Yes I do when it keeps someone from being hurt , it’s complicated depends on the serious ness sometimes it is better to tell the truth instead of a white lie ?October 9, 2018 at 3:34 PM #65683
tough questions…I think it’s something we all struggle with.October 9, 2018 at 3:59 PM #65685
No. I NEVER lie. Well, except for just then. Maybe.October 9, 2018 at 7:24 PM #65688
Cool responses, everyone! Angela, I really do believe you. 🙂
Just to make it clear, the scenario that I posted above was meant to be just one example of how you would handle many similar situations where someone asks for your HONEST opinion: you know, situations like when you are out with a friend and she is trying on dresses. She has been trying on different dresses for hours and then suddenly bursts out of the fitting room gushing copiously over the dress that she’s wearing (she loves it); and then asks the question that you have been hoping and praying she would never ask, “Does my bum look big in this?” Your friend really loves the dress but when she does a twirl to show it off, it’s then that you realize exactly just how big her bum really is: it’s Elephant size! How do you get out of this one? She’s has asked for your honest opinion. Do you lie or do you simply tell her exactly what she asked for? And do you also throw in the fact that the hairy legs need addressing? 🙂October 9, 2018 at 7:34 PM #65689
For me, when someone asks for my honest opinion, I immediately ask them, “Do you want my honest opinion or do you want me to lie to you?”. When they reply that they want me to be totally honest, I let rip with TOTAL honesty. That’s probably why my Christmas list is down to just three names. I usually just tell it how it is. I really don’t like wasting time by beating around the bush. If someone asks for my honest opinion about anything, and, after me giving it and they go and get all upset, then I figure they weren’t really interested in hearing my HONEST opinion at all. What they really wanted was for me to tell them exactly what they wanted to hear in the first place.
I read Dale Carnegie’s second book “How to Lose Friends and Offend People.” Worth a look! 🙂October 9, 2018 at 8:08 PM #65696
Elephants don’t actually have big bums, though, given their overall size and shape…maybe you should consider that in those situations, Scott.October 11, 2018 at 11:00 AM #65745
I’m a BIG liar when it comes to expressing my passing thoughts and opinions. However, I love a good honest discussion about serious stuff.
Great Scott wrote: “Do you want my honest opinion or do you want me to lie to you?”
That’s classic GS! I’m going to try that sometime. 🙂October 12, 2018 at 7:08 AM #65762
Well the question is evolving…so…as far as whether someone’s creative or industrial efforts go, I say encouragement and help are always front line…help, encourage, keep it positive…people need to do creative things or some kind of meaningful work…whether anyone else appreciates it or not. To me…it seems necessary for humanity to just get busy, get involved, stay out of trouble…immerse ourselves into something constructive that WE enjoy. I personally think if fiddling or banjo playing, painting, knitting, anything like that was more popular, we wouldn’t have this huge drug epidemic going on, among other woes. But if the question evolves into how big the person’s bum is or other irrelevant factors that might very well be out of the person’s control, then the problem definitely boils down to whether one sees others as entertainment for themselves, or people who are of intrinsic value that goes way beyond the bum or whatever foibles they have and we all have. Then I’d say, rather than lie OR tell the truth…might be time to just stop and look inside at what our expectations of others are all about.October 12, 2018 at 8:01 AM #65763
As a teacher, my role is often one of evaluation and feedback. And, to bring this into a musical context, suppose you are teaching or providing feedback for musicians….like our Lion’s Den here. Cricket, you are a good writer, and I agree with your sentiment above.
When I post to the Lion’s Den, I do so with the hope that I will get honest feedback from fellow fiddlers. There is objective feedback….that note is out of tune. And there is subjective feedback….I don’t like the way you played that lick; or I would not have played a double stop there.
When I am providing the feedback, I try to distinguish between subjective and objective feedback. Then I take into consideration my role, the relationship with the other person, and whether my feedback “matters.” If someone asks me to evaluate their playing, I don’t mind giving an evaluation, but I do so in the role of a teacher. So, feedback should also be constructive. Providing constructive feedback is an art….maybe even a gift.
One of my favorite Bible passages is instructive, “Admonish the idle; help the weak; encourage the timid; be patient with everyone.”
Feedback is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor.October 12, 2018 at 1:24 PM #65784
Very wise assessment, Angela. Thank you for the compliment on my writing…that thought just triggered an explosion of writing here…mostly irrelevant stuff…then I went back to catching up on my dishes and realized after I thought for a minute that what I had written sounded like I was bragging or something..ugh…erased all that. In a nutshell…I’ve tried many things in my life, but rarely felt qualified to advise others much, outside of three years working in the college writing center a long, long time ago. But I do get a real kick out of seeing people apply themselves in some constructive or creative thing…and I think people just need that, more of that, in this life.
November 12, 2018 at 1:29 PM #66419
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by cricket.
Thread bump. No I don’t lie frequently nor habitually. In instances like great scott mentioned, I would find one thing I liked about the book, mention it, then one thing that I thought needed work, and point that out with a suggestion of how to improve it. In the second example, I would either say, “I plead the fifth” or, “…….the color is nice” I don’t go dress shopping with girls though, so it’s a non issue. In general though, if terrorists ask “which way did they go?” I would lie. Otherwise not usually. Regarding the original question, yes there is a difference in what you lie about, but, if you lie about little things I won’t trust you with big ones, and neither will God $.02November 13, 2018 at 12:13 PM #66454
Hi Gunnar, great response! Late last night I was grading and watching a movie on Hulu called “Wonder” starring Jacob Tremblay as Auggie. I must admit I cried all the way through it! Here are some quotes that I loved that may be pertinent to this thread:
“When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.”
“I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives.”
“If every person in this room made it a rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little kinder than is necessary – the world really would be a better place. And if you do this, if you act just a little kinder than is necessary, someone else, somewhere, someday, may recognize in you, in every single one of you, the face of God.”November 13, 2018 at 3:59 PM #66460
I’m always wondering if people still teach their kids “The Golden Rule,” which was pounded into my head daily, hourly…lol…seems, as I was growing up. I’m not sure if kids are still being taught that kinda stuff…such a simple formula for kindness and understanding.
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